Variousity
by AnakinsOnlyAngel
Summary: PG-13 ONLY to be safe... this story, I think, is PG. But I don't want it removed. Anyways. This is basically just a humourous, Star Wars infested, incredibly short story type... thingy. Enjoy.


AnakinsOnlyAngel/Tina/Tintin/Tinnie/Angel/whatever walks on stage, carting a simple chair. She places the chair in the center of the stage, and sits on it

Tina: Sooo, it's been awhile, no?

Audience: BOOOOOOS

Tina: I know, I know! Really. But what can I say? Life, is all. Scoff if you want, but I'm in my last year of high school, and writing humourous fanfictions is something I merely haven't the time to do.

Random Audience Member: Come on…! How many hours are there in the day? I bet if you just sto-

Tina: interrupts with a GLARE of DEATH

R.A.M.: …shuts the hell up

Tina: Thank you. Anyways… this is basically a fic to update you on my life…

Audience: groans

Tina: BUT but fear not, I shall make it funny, AND I shall tie it into Star Wars somehow! Yay? looks eagerly for audience approval

Audience: Whatever.

Tina: yay. So anyways… as I stated above, this is my last year of highschool. Next year I intend on attending an art school in New York!

Han Solo walks across stage, lugging Luke in handcuffs, gasps, and walks back off.

Audience: …

Tina: Oo I reeeeally don't think I want to know what that was about.

Random Audience Member #2: Oooooo bondage!

Tina: HEY! Keep this at a PG level, please! Not everyone is a perverted bastard.

RAM#2: Sorry, man.

Tina: You ought to be! Anyways. How many times have I said anyways in this script so far? Oo counts Ooo only four times. Yes, I have no life.

Anakin pops out from under Tina's chair

Anakin: You can say that again!

Tina: Shut up.

Anakin: glares Fine. BE that way. Goes back under chair

Tina: eyes her chair Oookay. Actually, I do have a life, which is precisely why I haven't been writing on ANY of my stories. I've been involved in two or three plays since I last wrote… and I'm in one now! Why? I have no idea. I'm really NOT an actor, ya know?

Three storm troopers march on, and begin to sing

Ohhh she's not an actor… Ya know? Ya know?  
NOOO she ain't no actor ya kno-o-ow.

She isn't any actor, she's isn't any actor, she isn't any actor ya know?

YA KNOW?

They march back off

Tina: And that was… awkward… stares

silence

Tina: This is really boring for you, is it not? Apologies. But I feel the obsessive need to update you on my life, because, as you know, I am your lord and master, and-

Audience: stares bowing

Random Audience Member #3: Wait… why the hell are we bowing?

Audience, omitting RAM#3: Because Tina is the author and the lord and master of us all! You are a dirty blasphemer!

Audience proceeds to tear RAM#3 to shreds with their bare hands

Tina: HAH yay, violence!

Audience: …

Tina: Damn, they stopped bowing. Pfff. Bastards. Anyways, so, I'm getting together my portfolio, working on my senior project, being involved in drama, TRYING not to fail classes, and trying to get a job.

Random Audience member #4: Why can't you get a job? What are ya, some sorta BUM?

Tina: -- shut the hell up, Bastard, I have control of WHAT happens to you, I can rip your eyes from their sockets and shove sharp objects into your chest, slit your throat, and have starving children eat your remains.

RAM#4: … okay! I love you! Starts bowing

Tina: That's better. ANYWAYS. The REASON I can't get a job glares at RAM#4 again is because I have a piercing. Soon to be two. My left eyebrow was done a year ago, I'm getting my labret on the 8th… I live in a small town, so not many jobs accept piercings besides ears.

Bastardly bigots.

Lando walks on

Lando: Hah, I'm not a bastardly bigot! Does anyone want to see MY piercing? wiggles eyebrows menacingly

Tina: Uhmmrehh… I don't think so… this is supposed to be rated PG. Oo I truly hope I haven't said 'bastard' too many times…!

Lando: starts lifting up his shirt

Fangirls (A/N: Come on, Lando has to have SOME fangirls…!):OOOOOOO! Sexy…. drool

Rest of audience: Uhh… er… covers eyes of small children

Lando: point to navel I got my belly button pierced!

Anakin pops back out of chair

Anakin: HAH just like one of those freakin preppy girls at Tina's school?

Tina: OKAY what the hell? I am your LORD AND MASTER. Anakin! Lando! Either stick with the lovely topic: ME, or LEAVE.

Lando and Anakin: curse under breath

Tina: Your lord an master hears all…. waves a hand, the back curtain pulls to reveal bad pop music and hairy old men wearing skirts. Amongst these old men is, indeed, Han and Luke. Luke is still in handcuffs, and Han is now wearing a skimpy leather skirt You don't want to deal with this torture method, eh?

Lando: Ooo… actually I do….

Tina: looks disgusted Get the hell off my show!

Lando: glares at Tina and walks off, forlorn, glancing at Han once more

Anakin: sigh Puppy love. So cute.

Tina: THIS SHOW IS ABOUT ME!!! whacks him in the head with a rock

Anakin promptly passes out

Audience: GASP!

Tina: …what?

Random Audience Member #5: Aren't you AnakinsOnlyAngel…?

Tina: Yes. So?

RAM#5: I thought you loved him…

Tina: Errr… he's okay, but I'm in love with someone else now… another part of my life that has changed.

Anakin: awakens momentarily But… I thought it was love? falls back into stupor

Tina: Yes, but you should see the man-boobs this guy has! drools

Audience: Ewwww sick.

Tina: glare I own you ALL.

Audience: Once again begins to bow

Tina: Perfect. So… yeah. I'll probably never continue with any of my talk show stories…. But I guarantee you that 'Mixed Up' WILL be continued. Hell, I've been working (slowly) on this for nearly 3 years, I wouldn't stop now. It's close to being half done!

Obi-Wan comes on stage

Obi-Wan: Heeey I like Mixed Up! We're currently being attacked by pirates though…. PLEASE get us safely to Tatooine, and SOON!

Tina: I'm working on it, I'm working on it.

Obi-Wan: Oh, good.

silence

Tina (to Obi-Wan): So, want some biscotti?

Obi-Wan: …

Tina: … what the hell…? Biscotti? appears to be talking to self Okay, why the hell did you offer him biscotti?

Audience: silence except someone clearing their throat

Tina: UGH! What do you mean, pusillanimous? Who do you think you're talking to? I AM YOUR LORD AND MASTER!

Random Audience Member #6 to RAM#5: Is she OK?

Tina: No. Just because I house your 'tourmented soul' in MY body does NOT make you part lord an master. YOU ARE NOTHING!!!

Obi-Wan: Umm… Miss? pokes Author? Uhh… crap. looks to audience Has she gone mad?

Tina: comes our of daze Who the hell are you calling mad?

Obi-Wan: Umm… looks around frantically Han! pulls him out of behind of curtain (Han is now without the skimpy leather outfit, and is totally naked minus a loin cloth

Tina: … (to Han) I don't want to know. (to Obi-Wan) You know I can tell when you are lying?

Obi-Wan: No you can't… apprehensively You are merely a Padawan!

Tina: Nooo… for one thing I graduated ages ago. points to lack of braid And for another thing… well, once I start down the path to the Dark Side, forever it will dominate my destiny.

Audience: …No! You're joking!

Tina: Hell no! And I LIKE it. You don't KNOW the power of the Dark Side.

Obi-Wan: shrinks away

Tina: Okay. glares at Obi-Wan I'm sick of this crap. I'm out of here… any of you can email me. My email address is I welcome meeting new people, contacting old friends cough**VENUS**cough!, and just speaking of… whatever. Boys I am NOT interested in cybering or whatever your sick mind conceives… okay?

Now I'm leaving….

Bye.


End file.
